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So this is what I get from the women who are posting about their pregnancies on Facebook: Pregnancy is fucking gross.

Seriously. I am without child, and there’s nothing like a bunch of unhappy, pregnant women talking about their baby-holes reaching new diameters, throwing up, pissing constantly, & sounding like full-time beeyotches to make me even more certain that I’ve always made the right choice to hold off on having children until I am completely fulfilled in life as an individual.

Maybe one day far away, I’ll marry my bestfriend. At that point, I will probably be a more little receptive to the unpleasant, but very worthwhile joy that comes with being a soon-to-be mommy.

I perfectly poached four eggs for brunch on my first try & I feel like a champ. Defuckinglicious.